Home Miscarriage Pregnancy Loss


I don't know if it's irrational thinking or not, but I've often wondered if my six miscarried babies somehow were rejecting me when I lost them. I've always been a firm believer that babies choose you, not the other way around.

When I was a year or two into my trying to conceive journey, my self esteem took a beating. In my weak moments, especially in the months immediately following a miscarriage, I would often feel rejected and think: "Why didn't you want me as your mother? I would have been a good one. Is it something I did? Something I said? And my mind would go on and on.... Honestly, I don't have an answer even to this day - could it be that getting pregnant is based on random luck and survival is completely hit or miss? Maybe those souls did decide that the time wasn't right or that I wasn't the right mother for them. But even if that's the case, that's okay.

Now that I have the benefit of hindsight, I can see that the baby that did come into my life was the perfect one. I hope the others found a happy home or will find a happy home when the time is right.

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Pregnant Again At 49

I actually had one more miscarriage after I had my daughter (at the age of 49!) The pregnancy was totally accidental because we weren't trying and it was right after the flu had swept through our house. That one did feel rather random, I didn't even know I was pregnant until I started having some weird bleeding. But even looking at that one in retrospect, it's possible that particular baby decided to go with another family who perhaps didn't have a child already.

I guess none of us know how the universe works. Parents and children teach each other equally. When it's right, it's right and I think everyone knows it. That belief got me through some tough times. I waited six years for it to be totally right and it was worth the wait. So if you're in the depths of despair, just remember, the time will be right for you too - it just may not be exactly when you think. I believe there is a master plan and where we stand, we can't know the wisdom of all there is.

(If you are entering this site on this page, please click on the "Home" button to the left for my story, my articles, my blogs on fertility over 40, pregnancy over 40, miscarriage/recurrent miscarriage and how to order "You Can Get Pregnant Over 40 Naturally" book, DVD and CD.)

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